"I'm
glad you were able to tear yourselves away from the Winter Olympics. The
sporting event that answers the question, How many different ways can white
people injure themselves on ice?" –Jimmy Kimmel
"Bob
Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye
infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary
member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien
"Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back
east shut down the government. He said, 'That’s my job!' But you know, there is
a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick
of them – but eventually snow goes away." –Bill Maher
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