"Folks, I'm no fan of 'Sesame Street.' They
expose our children to dangerous liberal ideas like befriending the homeless,
two men sleeping in the same bedroom and counting." –Stephen Colbert
"A woman in Arizona ran over her husband with her Jeep
because she blamed him for Obama getting reelected.
See, I don't think the woman is being fair. If Obama hadn't saved the auto
industry, she wouldn't have been able to run over her husband with an
American-made car." –Jay Leno
"The
Rockefeller Center's Christmas tree is being put in place this afternoon. They
bring it in and hoist it with a crane and steel cables. It's the same way they
get Chris Christie into his pants." –David Letterman
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