“[As Trump]This is true — I look very strongly at all elements of bathrooms,
for hours every day. All of them. Sinks, showers — everything but the scale.”
--Stephen Colbert
for hours every day. All of them. Sinks, showers — everything but the scale.”
--Stephen Colbert
“I’ve never seen the president this mournful. [As Trump]
‘The water comes very quietly dripping out. And then, the silence.
And in the silence, you can hear the thoughts.’” --Stephen Colbert
“Democrat Jerry Nadler said that a jury would convict President Trump
in, quote, ‘three minutes flat.’ Or in other words, the same amount of time
Trump spends flushing a toilet.” --Jimmy Fallon
in, quote, ‘three minutes flat.’ Or in other words, the same amount of time
Trump spends flushing a toilet.” --Jimmy Fallon
“They haven’t drafted the articles of impeachment yet, but Democrats
say Trump’s impeachable offenses include abuses of power through
self-dealing, betrayal of national security in the service of foreign
interests, and corruption of our elections that undermine our
democratic system. Or as Trump put it, [Trump in a clip] ‘promises
made, promises kept.’” --Stephen Colbert
say Trump’s impeachable offenses include abuses of power through
self-dealing, betrayal of national security in the service of foreign
interests, and corruption of our elections that undermine our
democratic system. Or as Trump put it, [Trump in a clip] ‘promises
made, promises kept.’” --Stephen Colbert
“Castor’s demeanor throughout this whole thing was that of a guy who knew
he was fighting a losing battle. In fact, instead of keeping his documents in
a briefcase or cardboard boxes like most lawyers, he showed up to the hearing
this morning with his papers in a grocery store tote bag. I mean, look at that
— it’s like he forgot about the hearing until the last minute and had to find
whatever was lying around his house. I bet there was only one piece of paper
at the top of that bag and the rest of it was just organic produce.”
--Seth Meyers, on the Republicans’ lawyer, Stephen R. Castor
he was fighting a losing battle. In fact, instead of keeping his documents in
a briefcase or cardboard boxes like most lawyers, he showed up to the hearing
this morning with his papers in a grocery store tote bag. I mean, look at that
— it’s like he forgot about the hearing until the last minute and had to find
whatever was lying around his house. I bet there was only one piece of paper
at the top of that bag and the rest of it was just organic produce.”
--Seth Meyers, on the Republicans’ lawyer, Stephen R. Castor
“Is it a good sign when your lawyer’s briefcase is a grocery sack?”
--Jimmy Kimmel
--Jimmy Kimmel
“He had notebooks in there and a lot of incriminating kale chips.”
--Jimmy Kimmel
--Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
