women are starting now, and men will be told two minutes ahead of time (Global Orgasm Day)

"A group called Orgasm for Peace is trying to promote peace by trying to have everyone in the world have an orgasm at the same time on Dec. 22. To prepare for the Dec. 22 orgasm, women are starting now, and men will be told two minutes ahead of time." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is back from his big trip to Asia. In fact, this is the first time he was able to get out of Vietnam without any help from his dad." --Jay Leno

"A new poll finds that 60 percent of Americans think George W. Bush is a worse president than his father. However, President Bush's advisers cheered him up by telling him he's the second best George W. Bush who's ever been president." --Conan O'Brien

Global Orgasm for Peace Day

"President Bush pardoned the White House turkey today. A lot of people are wondering why this particular bird was chosen to be saved. It turns out this turkey had donated thousands of dollars to the Republican National Committee." --Jay Leno

"Tomorrow of course is Thanksgiving, the day we get together with our relatives, or as Donald Rumsfeld calls it, acceptable torture." --Jay Leno

"Two anti-war activists are now organizing a Global Orgasm for Peace day. They want everyone in the world to have an orgasm at the same time. Good luck. It's hard enough trying to get two people together. Imagine six billion. Orgasm for peace? Wasn't that Clinton's foreign policy?" --Jay Leno