"Mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone (Employee of the Month)

A recent government report revealed that a California DMV employee fell asleep at her desk for up to three hours a day and this went on for nearly four years. She fell asleep at her desk for three hours a day, or as they call that at the DMV, Employee of the Month. --James Corden

An ice cream shop in Scotland has introduced a new flavor made with a very familiar ingredient. It's called Mayonnaise ice cream. Coincidentally, "Mayonnaise ice cream" is also how dermatologists describe my skin tone. --James Corden

The only thing weirder than Mayonnaise ice cream is how you have to order it. To order it, you go up to the counter and you go, "Hello, I'm disgusting." And they go, "Don't worry. I got you right here." --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee (Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned)

I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump raised a record $90 million in private donations to pay for his inauguration. Trump said, "Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee." –Jimmy Fallon

I read about a man in Virginia who paid the DMV his $3,000 fine in pennies. It took the workers 12 hours to count them all. And that line still moved faster than the one you were in waiting in at the DMV. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, "The Young Pope" premiered on HBO. You can tell this pope is young because when people say, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." He just goes, "Kay." –Jimmy Fallon