In case of an accident, I'm not surprised (I've had the same pack since 1975)

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975." --Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there

was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

"My mother never breastfed me. She always had a headache."

--Rodney Dangerfield

Why do dogs race to the door when you when the doorbell rings? It’s almost never for them. --Norm Macdonald

For potential disasters, this pessimist carries a card in his wallet that says, "In case of an accident, I'm not surprised." --Milton Berle

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”