No, that's not it. I guess I don't recall (You don't remember any of it!)

"Of course, this was the president's final chance to state his case 

for his presidential legacy. For the man who came to Washington 

as a uniter, for him to tout the great bipartisan accomplishments 

of his seemingly freakishly long presidency [on screen: Bush saying, 

'Six years ago we came together to pass the 'No Child Left Behind 

Act']. And that was it. It seems that as the president comes to the end 

of his two terms, he has finally realized the best way to get things done 

for you is for you to do it [on screen: Bush saying, 'We must trust in 

the ability of free peoples to make wise decisions. We must trust in 

the creative genius of American researchers. We must trust in the 

wisdom of the founders. We must trust in the skill of our scientists. 

We must trust American workers. We must trust patients and doctors. 

We must trust Americans with the responsibility of homeownership']. 

By the way, when he says we must trust Americans, he doesn't mean 

like the royal we as in him. I think we know his position on trusting 

us [on screen: Bush saying, ‘I'm the decider']." --Jon Stewart

 

"In just three weeks, General David Petraeus is scheduled to deliver 

his long awaited report on the Iraq surge. Will he say it's a success, 

thus vindicating the White House? Or will he say it's a failure, 

which somehow also will vindicate the White House? 

--Jon Stewart

"In other news, Friday marked Alberto Gonzales' last day as 

attorney general. On his last day, Gonzales received a full-scale 

send-off from whatever souls happened to survive his stewardship 

at the Justice Department [on screen: Acting dir. Michael Sullivan 

saying, 'When you think of the attorney general, three words come 

to mind']. Three words come to mind. I know! [on screen: Gonzales 

saying, 'I don't recall']. I don't recall. No, that's not it. But it will come 

to me, Alberto. Oh, it's coming to me. Three words [on screen: 

Sullivan saying, 'Discipline, duty and honor']. No, that's not it. I guess 

I don't recall." --Jon Stewart

 

"But there were other tributes to attorney general Alberto Gonzales that 

could also be seen as humorously leading [on screen: DEA admin. Karen 

Tandy saying, 'History will capture all of the extraordinary records that you 

set in the area of drugs']. Indeed, one of those records Gonzales has now 

done to promote more short-term memory loss than any other Hispanic 

American, breaking the old mark held by Cheech. It was time for Gonzales' 

own words, his farewell address. Now obviously, if I may, I'd like to add a 

personal sentiment here. We've used the attorney general's lack of candor, 

his use of the phrase 'I don't recall' to reduce him to an amnesiac character. 

But as you go, Alberto, can you, for me, make one more jaw-droppingly 

ironic reference to it for me? [on screen: Gonzales saying, 'I stand before 

you today sincerely grateful for the many wonderful memories I have as 

attorney general']. You don't remember any of it!" --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”