If you're a fish and you want to become a fish stick... (What if I told you...)

If you're a fish and you want to become a fish stick you have to have very good posture. You can't be a slouchy fish or you will be a fish clump. --Mitch Hedberg

I went to the store, I bought eight apples. The clerk said you want me to put them in a bag. I said no man, I juggle. But I can only juggle eight. If I am ever here and I buy nine apples, bag’em up. --Mitch Hedberg

If you can't sleep count sheep. Don't count endangered animals you will run out. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”