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Sunday, May 7, 2017

This All-Access Pass lets me torture, spy, shred the constitution, jaywalk and get Free Cable...




"By the way, if you're wondering about this, Dick Cheney did not attend the Republican Convention in Minnesota. Apparently, he had already scheduled a heart attack, so he won't be there." --David Letterman

"You know, Sarah Palin, John McCain selected her to be the vice presidential running mate on the Republican ticket, and she's also the governor of Alaska, and outdoors, likes the outdoors, likes assault rifles, has a collection of rifles, likes to shoot assault rifles. I'll say this for her daughter's boyfriend: the kid's got guts." --David Letterman

"Earlier tonight, I don't know if you saw it, Sarah Palin gave a tremendous speech to the Republicans, though some are claiming it was actually her daughter's speech." --David Letterman

"Delegates were captivated by Palin's speech; at one point while she was speaking, the room got so quiet, you could hear Larry Craig's toilet flush." --David Letterman




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