"In California the owner of a Christian medical marijuana
dispensary says God told him to sell pot. As proof, he cited the story from the
Bible where Jesus miraculously turns water into pizza." –Conan O'Brien
"Jason Collins, the NBA's first openly gay player, has the
top-selling jersey in the league store. Yeah, that's great — finally a gay man
who's not afraid to stand up and say 'I have my own clothing line.'"
–Conan O'Brien
"This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its
Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who
didn't medal, Putin said, 'Do not open trunk.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Russia gave all of its gold medalists from the Sochi
Games $120,000 plus a brand-new Mercedes SUV. While the silver and bronze
medalists all received life in prison." –Seth Meyers
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