"A new
report says that Donald Trump has spent one million dollars trying to figure
out if he should run for president in 2016. Experts are already calling it the
World Most Expensive 'No.'" –Conan O'Brien
"A new study just came out. It found that KFC sells 25
pieces of fried chicken a second. Yes. It was 50 pieces a second, but then
Chris Christie had his stomach stapled." –Conan O'Brien
"President
Obama says he is renewing his efforts to close Guantanamo Bay. How about
closing the IRS? Why don't we do that? How about shipping the IRS to Guantanamo
Bay?" –Jay Leno
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