Eight of which is where Romney shelters his wealth

"The middle class is broken down by the side of the road, and Paul Ryan is driving up in a black windowless van and saying, 'Get in.' ... Just get in. And it puts the lotion on its body." –Stephen Colbert



"The math behind how Romney can give everyone a 20% tax cut without bankrupting the government is just way too advanced for us regular folk to understand. It's unfathomably complex, like string theory. You'd have to grasp that the universe is actually 11 coexistent dimensions, eight of which is where Romney shelters his wealth." –Stephen Colbert

"In Arnold Schwarzenegger's new book, he says his first clue that the housekeeper's son was his was when the boy started looking like him. His second clue was when he was the only Mexican kid with an Austrian accent." –Conan O'Brien