Man, you really like Tide (Hey, you got a lot of cranium accessories)

I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one so I got a cake. --Mitch Hedberg

I want to be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver. “Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we have to keep going in circles? Man, you really like Tide.” --Mitch Hedberg

I was at a bar, I was minding my own business and a guy bumped into me. Which is cool but he didn't apologize. He said move, I thought that was rude so I said go to hell then I started to run. He caught up with me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, a pair of sunglasses, his hair was in a ponytail, and he was wearing a hat. He said, “Hey you got a lot of nerve.” I said, “Hey, you got a lot of cranium accessories.” --Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”