Oh, my God — the fire was set by Bill O’Reilly! (this never would have happened if the tree had a gun)

December 2021

“And Fox News tried to warn us this was coming. Every time a store clerk says, ‘Happy holidays,’ a Christmas tree bursts into flames.” —Stephen Colbert

“Authorities arrested a suspect last night, and police say that they believe he is homeless and mental illness may have played a factor. Homeless and mentally ill? Oh, my God — the fire was set by Bill O’Reilly!” —Stephen Colbert

“[To the tune of ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’] It’s beginning to look a lot like arson, everywhere you go. Take a look at the tree and then, the flames are roaring once again. Doocy, stop, drop, roll.” —Stephen Colbert

“Of course, this never would have happened if the tree had a gun.” —Stephen Colbert

“The fire was particularly upsetting for the friends at Fox because the evergreen tree is of course a symbol of the eternal life given by Christ. Or as Fox and Friends cohost Ainsley Earhardt put it, ‘a tree that unites us, that brings us together, it’s about the Christmas spirit, it’s about the holiday season, it’s about Jesus, it’s about Hanukah.’ Ainsley, you’re a gift from Jesus. But I’m gonna go out on a burning limb and say this is not about Hanukah. But on the other hand, maybe it is about Hanukah, because I have a feeling Fox will miraculously make this story last for eight days.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”