I didn't even know they knew how to use a camcorder (normal people when they're far away)

I got into an argument. I said women have a lower pain threshold than men. She said try childbirth. I said I had. How do you think I got here. --Jimmy Carr

When I was at school I had a friend called Anthony. Well I'm not proud of this but it happened. We're at a party, we were quite drunk. He was very drunk and he passed out. And myself and another friend shaved his eyebrows off. He was really surprised, but you couldn't tell. --Jimmy Carr

Watching sex on the telly with mum and dad, that's embarrassing. I didn't even know they knew how to use a camcorder. --Jimmy Carr

Global warming. It’s the kids I feel sorry for because if sea levels do rise they'll drown first. --Jimmy Carr

I met a girl that was scared of dwarves, so I asked her are you also scared of normal people when they're far away. --Jimmy Carr

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”