"Fox
News host Bill O'Reilly is writing a new book about the killing of Jesus. It
will be the first time Jesus' death is blamed on Obamacare." –Conan O'Brien
"Today
15 Republican Senators demanded the withdrawal of Hagel's nomination and it's
no wonder. Senate Republicans have found all sorts of shady associations in
Hagel's past. For instance, he was once a Senate Republican." –Stephen Colbert
"Michelle Obama is actually here tonight to talk about her
fitness initiative 'Let’s Move.' Meanwhile, Chris Christie will be on next week
to talk about his initiative 'Let's Sit."'" –Jimmy Fallon
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