Thank God that could never happen in this country, huh?

"The Pentagon has announced a 3-month timetable for gay to be able to serve openly in the military. They want it so coincide with the season finale of 'Glee.'" –Jay Leno



"Egypt has shut off cell phones and the internet. It’s like visiting your parents’ house." –David Letterman



"Happy birthday to Dick Cheney. I think he's 70 years old. Dick celebrated by shooting a cake." –David Letterman



"Huge riots continue in Egypt. Experts say one of the problems over there is there is a huge difference in wealth between the extremely rich and the vast majority of the people who have nothing. Thank God that could never happen in this country, huh?" –Jay Leno