Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person (death metal metal barbershop quartet)

I live in a studio apartment. I got a sliding glass door and it has a sticker that says Warning Alarm System! It's real simple alarm - it consists of a sticker. —Mitch Hedberg

I was in a death metal band for seven years. But one day when we were walking out of the pawn shop we became a death metal metal barbershop quartet. —Mitch Hedberg

I was home last week and I heard a gunshot outside of my apartment, then I saw two guys run by my window. So I was gonna call the police but then I got optimistic. I said hey, maybe it's just a race. —Mitch Hedberg

My friends and I took acid and went into the woods. Because it’s less likely that you’ll run into an authority figure in the woods. Well we ran into a bear which was even more of a buzzkill. My friend Dewayne was standing there raising his right hand swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear and Dewayne put his arm around my shoulder he said, “Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person.” —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”