from March 2011
"Welcome back to the part of the program I'm legally obligated to devote to Charlie Sheen, our new National Pastime." –Stephen Colbert
"In case you're unfamiliar with the term, journalism is an old-time occupation like boot blacking or alchemy." –Stephen Colbert
"Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag." –Stephen Colbert
"Congressman Peter King is holding hearings on the radicalization of American Muslims to determine why they feel alienated from American culture. Hopefully these hearings into why they're so dangerous will make them feel more welcome." –Stephen Colbert
"Newt Gingrich knows that before he throws his giant hat into the ring, he has to explain his past positions — specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife." –Stephen Colbert
"Charlie Sheen — he's our new national pastime. Sorry baseball, call me when your foul lines are drawn with coke." –Stephen Colbert
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