“We won’t find out the results of today’s elections until long after this taping, so, for now, we’ll just congratulate any man who’s around the age of 78. Well done! You’re crushing it! Never doubted you!” —James Corden
“The big story coming into tonight was that the moderates are consolidating behind Joe Biden. Yes, the moderates are consolidating. We are reaching extreme levels of centrism!” —Stephen Colbert
“Analysts say Democrats are now ‘circling the wagons’ around Joe Biden. That’s the phrase, yeah. Biden said, ‘The last time wagons were circled around me, I was 5 and Ma and Pa were headed to Oregon territory.’” —Conan O’Brien
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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