“Well, you guys, today is Cyber Monday. All across the country, people spent the day ordering a bunch of crap online in their underwear — then remembered it was Cyber Monday.” --Jimmy Fallon
“Amazon had all kinds of great deals on speakers, cameras, smart TVs, voice assistants and a bunch of other stuff that secretly records people having sex.” --Jimmy Fallon
“In a poll conducted by The Economist and YouGov, a majority of Republicans said they considered President Trump a better leader than Abraham Lincoln. Trump isn’t even a better president than Daniel Day-Lewis pretending to be Abraham Lincoln.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“Chris Christie was dining with Donald Trump on Valentine’s Day 2017, and Trump told him: ‘Now that we fired Michael Flynn, the Russia thing is over.’ And I don’t know which is more embarrassing: the fact that Trump thought he was in the clear in 2017, or that Donald Trump and Chris Christie spent Valentine’s Day together.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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