“Jacinda Ardern has resigned as prime minister of New Zealand, saying she ‘no longer had enough in the tank’ to do the job. ‘It’s time,’ Ardern, who has served for six years, said in her announcement. Wait a second – she’s leaving because it’s the right thing to do? She didn’t lose an election or steal classified documents or have a Boris Johnson sex party? Are you Kiwis sure you know how democracy works? Do you even have one deranged pillow salesman? You’re the only world leader that I’m friends with. Don’t make me start hanging out with Justin Trudeau! Sure he’s pretty to look at, but he smells like hot yoga and poutine. Prime Minister Ardern, please rest up, because we need you to come to America to run in 2024. You may be a Kiwi but at 42, you are constitutionally old enough to be a president’s grandchild.” —Stephen Colbert
“In American political news, there is yet another complication in the backstory of the disgraced GOP congressman George Santos. According to new reports, the New York Republican used to perform as a drag queen in Brazilian pageants. Wow, George Santos did something interesting! All his other lies are super boring, like ‘I worked at a bank’ or ‘my mother is a volleyball.’ Santos allegedly performed under the stage name Kitara Ravache. Really? That’s what he went with? I would’ve gone with something fun, like Anita Alibi or Ivana Pawnyourjewelry. Santos has denied his past as a drag queen, and I can understand why. His party, the GOP, has declared war on drag queens all over the country the past year. They don’t care that Santos is a serial liar who steals money intended for dying dogs. But for Republicans, finding out that he performs drag would be as bad as finding out that he officiated a wedding between the green M&M and a Covid vaccine.” —Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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