“The president pardoned two turkeys and I think a Kentucky Fried Chicken while he was at it.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“It makes sense that Trump would pardon the two whitest turkeys on the planet.” --James Corden
“Those turkeys should be pardoning him, by the way, not the other way around.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“I saw that you could actually go online and vote for which turkey got the official pardon, which is why Butter’s lawyer got caught in Ukraine trying to find dirt on Bread.” --Jimmy Fallon
“Only one thing: Bread won the White House Twitter poll by 12 points. But, of course, the Electoral College picked Butter.” --Stephen Colbert
“I’m surprised Bread won the popular vote. I can’t believe it’s not Butter.” --Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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