“Today the new evidence against President Trump was called ‘damning.’ Some say this could end his presidency. No, wait I’m sorry — this joke is from two years ago. That joke is also from one year ago — and six months ago. We have — we’ve used that cue card, like, 15 times.” --Conan O’Brien
“When asked what he was doing, Trump said, ‘I was cleaning out my desk.’” --Conan O’Brien
“‘Unexplainable, illogical, crazy’ — that’s the description Bill Taylor gave of Trump’s actions. It’s also the title of Trump’s new memoir. Same thing, yes. [Imitating Trump] It’s my full story and it’s a coloring book, folks. You’re gonna love it.” --Trevor Noah
“O.K., this is just unbelievable. Trump’s people were discussing their Ukrainian plot in public in a restaurant — that’s what he’s saying. I mean, first of all, that is rude. You are in a restaurant, you put your phone away; you engage.” --Trevor Noah
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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