So wait, no kids AND there's a place to lie down? Sign me up (you're not allowed back at the zoo)

Two Republican Colorado lawmakers have introduced a bill that would punish teachers with jail time if they go on strike. Hey, these are public school teachers. You can't scare them with jail. “So wait, no kids AND there's a place to lie down? Sign me up.” --Seth Meyers

After being bitten by a shark last week, a Colorado man achieved a rare distinction of being attacked by a shark, bear, and rattlesnake all within the last four years. Or as it was reported to the man, you're not allowed back at the zoo. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”