I like refried beans that's why I want to try fried beans because maybe they're just as good and we're wasting time. —Mitch Hedberg
I perform at a lot of colleges and I always buy the shirt from the college because the quality shirts is good and they are colorful. But people get the wrong idea. I walk around with a Washington University shirt on, some guy goes, ‘Hey, Washington. Did you go there?’ I said, ‘Yeah. It was a Wednesday.’ —Mitch Hedberg
I got a king-size bed. I don't know any kings, but what if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable. Oh, you're a king you say. Well you won't believe what I have in store for you. —Mitch Hedberg
I was at a restaurant I ordered a chicken sandwich but I don't think the waitress understood me because she said how would you like your eggs. So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said incubated and then raised and then beheaded and then plucked and then cut up and then put onto a grill and they put onto a bun. Damn, it’s gonna take awhile. I don’t have that kind of time. Scrambled. —Mitch Hedberg
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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