You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (Sure, now you give me a shield)

"The U.S. Mint has announced they're redesigning the penny. It's going to have Abraham Lincoln on the front and a shield on the back. Lincoln is probably thinking, 'Sure, now you give me a shield.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Bernie Madoff's daughter-in-law, Stephanie Madoff, is changing her name. She says the Madoff name is tainted with scandal and she wants a name with less negative connotation. She is now known as Stephanie bin Laden." –Craig Ferguson

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”