You change teams more often than LeBron James (I know why you're shaped like a penis)

Button-fly jeans. Just what I wanted -- a padlock for my pants. Nothing I love more than getting to the bathroom and having to spend five seconds of panic not knowing if I'm going to get you open in time. --Seth Meyers

Mitt Romney, you come from Michigan, you were the governor of Massachusetts, and now you're a senator from Utah. You change teams more often than LeBron James. --Seth Meyers

Florida, now I know why you're shaped like a penis. Because every year, you [bleep] us. --Seth Meyers

Trump has made no secret of his feelings about Jeff Sessions. He’s called Sessions “a traitor,” “a dumb southerner,” “Mr. Magoo,” and most humiliating of all, “a member of my administration.” No word on what Sessions is going to do next. I assume he’s going to spend more time with his family-separation policy. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”