The whole thing about destroying the West? That includes us.

"William O'Reilly, a gentleman who has his own program on uh, uh, I think it's YouTube, mentioned in an interview with Barbara Walters, who actually died seven years ago, that he is on al Qaeda's hit list. Bill, certainly I don't want to burst your bubble. I don't want to jump in on this clearly, very exclusive place you hold in American society. I don't know if you've seen the al Qaeda tapes, but we're kind of all on the hit list. The whole thing about destroying the West? That includes us." --Jon Stewart

"The situation might be improving in Dhi Qar, but conditions continue to deteriorate in the capital of Bagdad. So with sectarian violence spreading, U.S. forces have approved an Iraq plan to protect Baghdad by digging trenches around the entire city, completely protecting Baghdad from World War I era soldiers." --Jon Stewart

"During his controversial speech yesterday, the president of Venezuela said the room still smelled from President Bush being there the day before. Later someone pointed out, that's just the wind from New Jersey." --Conan O'Brien