JOKES: Trump's approval rating is the lowest in history for a new president (Pope Francis is missing)

President Trump got his first approval rating numbers and they aren’t good. His approval rating stands at 45 percent, which is the lowest in history for a new president. Or as his press secretary Sean Spicer put it today, “The highest in history for a new president.” –Jimmy Kimmel

The number one thing on Donald Trump’s mind right now is the election in November. He says that 3 million to 5 million illegal voters cost him the popular vote. There doesn’t seem to be any evidence to support this belief but that doesn’t matter. –Jimmy Kimmel

The New York Times used the word “lie” to describe the president’s take on this. But I don’t know. A lie is when you say something you know isn’t true. I think Donald Trump believes it. It’s not so much a lie as it is a symptom. –Jimmy Kimmel

Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien