"The man in charge of investigating the 2012 Secret
Service prostitution scandal has quit after he himself was caught with a
prostitute – which explains why President Obama just appointed an irony czar."
–Jimmy Fallon
"David Nieland, the man investigating the Secret Service
prostitution scandal, was caught with a prostitute. I don't know what's more
surprising — that they caught him with a prostitute, or that the Secret Service
actually caught someone." –Jimmy Fallon
"Next month Joe Biden is scheduled to make stops in
Turkey, Ukraine, and Morocco to discuss foreign policy issues — while his
advisers are learning how to say 'We're sorry' in all three languages."
–Jimmy Fallon
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