I'd rather light a stick and have my roommates wake up with false hopes (they're complicit)

I was at a casino standing by the door and a security guy came over to me and said you're gonna have to move you're blocking the fire exit. As though if there was a fire I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit. --Mitch Hedberg

I like cinnamon rolls, that's why I wish they made like a cinnamon roll incense. Because I don't always have time to make a pan. Perhaps I'd rather light a stick and have my roommates wake up with false hopes. --Mitch Hedberg

I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store and you stand in front of the lunchmeat section for too long you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna. Somebody needs to tell the turkeys, man just be yourself. --Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”