Our show is so dead, he’s going to bury it next to his ex-wife at one of his golf courses (Come on, man, my feet are in this one!)

November 2022

“There is a tight Senate race in Pennsylvania, where celebrity doctor-turned-Trump acolyte Mehmet Oz squared off against the lieutenant governor, John Fetterman. Over the weekend, the woman responsible for Oz’s television career, Oprah, endorsed his rival. That’s always how it goes, people: at some point in life, you have to kill the monster you create. Dr. Frankenstein and his creature, Obi Wan and Anakin, parents and their kids.” —Trevor Noah

“Democrats are nervous right now, because they’ve got a lot stacked up against them in this election. Inflation is high, crime is up, pickleball is taking over for some reason, and all of that is sending Democrats into full-on panic mode. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Here is President Biden at a campaign stop in, of all states, New York, where Governor Kathy Hochul is running an unexpectedly tight race against state congressman Lee Zeldin. That’s how bleak it is looking for Democrats right now: they’re scrambling to salvage a governor’s race in New York. Which is crazy! New York is supposed to be a given for the Democrats. This is like having to beg your stalker to like one of your posts on Instagram – ‘Come on, man, my feet are in this one!’” —Trevor Noah

“Over the weekend Donald Trump said that my show was ‘dead’. Our show is so dead, he’s going to bury it next to his ex-wife at one of his golf courses. You know what’s dead? All those endangered animals your chinless son shot. You know what’s dead? The look in your wife’s eyes when you beg her for sex on your birthday.” —Jimmy Kimmel