"We will be greeted as liberators the Iraqis will throw flowers..." Dick Cheney

"President Bush is now saying that he was not aware that we signed a deal to give these Arabs countries control of our eastern seaports. In fact, today President Bush began tapping his own phone so he can find out what’s going on in the White House." --Jay Leno

"In fact, President Bush is getting so much bad publicity today Vice President Dick Cheney offered to shoot another guy just to take the heat off. " --Jay Leno

"In a speech outlining his energy program, President Bush said the United States is on the verge of a technological breakthrough that will startle most Americans. I think most Americans would be startled to know the president has an energy program." --Jay Leno