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Tuesday, February 9, 2021

On the Road to Guillotineland (poetry by John Hulse)

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” --Susan Hampton


“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.” --Kristina Betts


“A poet that belongs with the Masters.” --Jennifer Brewster



on the back of a dollar

 

got a cheeseburger.

paid.

got the change,

 

and on the back

of one of the dollars 

returned to me

was written,

 

“whoever finds this dollar

will be the first one

to witness

 

The Rapture.”

 

but it could have said

 

something else?

 

the handwriting

was terrible.





The Joke I Wrote for David Letterman


When Mark MacQuire 

broke Roger Maris’ 

home run record, 


President Clinton called 

Mr. MacQuire 

to congratulate him 

on his remarkable 

achievement. 


During the call, 

Hillary interrupted 

their conversation.


It seems Hillary 

had a small favor 

to ask of the new 

Home Run King. 


She wanted 

to know 

if she could 

borrow 

his bat!





President If Only


If only, Obama had cleaned up Flint water?

 

If only, he would have done something 

to make sure that 95% of the wealth 

generated in his 8 years in office didn’t go 

right into the pockets of the top 1%?


If only, he would have intervened 

so Native Americans at DAPL 

would not have been shot to pieces, 

or protected the protestors 

at Occupy Wall Street?

 

If only, he wouldn't have pardoned 

the Wall Street criminals then taken 

400K a speech from the same criminals

once he left office? 


If only, he had passed Medicare4All 

when they had a majority in the senate? 


50,000 Americans, including thousands

of children, die every year from 

the lack of medical care.


If only, he hadn’t kicked 5 million 

American families (including children) 

out of their homes during the mortgage crisis,

Trump would have LOST in a landslide? 


If only, when those same families 

no longer had a roof over their heads, 

and when they were at their 

most desperate, he hadn’t cut back 

on their ability to afford food 

by cutting money for food stamps?

 

Couldn’t he hear the cries of children 

going hungry?

 

I could.


Oh yeah, the corporate media shares much

of the blame for Trump, giving him

4 Billion dollars in free advertising 

during the election.


I would love to see a "journalist" 

ask Hillary Clinton why she didn't pick 

Bernie Sanders as her VP? 


Hillary, it is quite obvious 

that if you would have picked 

Bernie Sanders as your running mate, 

not only would you have won 

the election in a landslide, 

but you would have pulled even more 

voters into the Democratic Party 

and it would have helped down ballot races 

increasing a democratic majority. 


She, and the democrats cheated Sanders, 

ran a shitty campaign and they deserved 

to lose. 


So sad for us all.


If only, Obama didn’t use drone strikes, 

that left thousands dead and mutilated, 

including innocent women and children?

 

(90% of those killed were innocent)

 

Kids on their way to school, dead.

Mothers cooking dinner, dead. 

Old men looking for comfort in a hospital

or church, dead.


A mailman delivering the mail, dead.

Children holding their mother’s hand for safety

while crossing the street, dead.

 

All were blown to unrecognizable pieces.

They were a threat to no one.

 

If only, Obama hadn’t made it harder 

to join a union and earn enough money

to feed your family?

 

If only, he didn’t give corrupt 

and violent countries weapons and cash 

knowing they would use those weapons 

to murder their neighbors 

in cold blood?

 

If only, he hadn’t left giant loopholes 

in laws protecting the richest people 

making it easier for them to steal 

from the poor?

 

If only, Obama hadn’t pretended to drink water 

from a community well, that was known 

to be poison to deceive the innocent souls 

in the community that their water was safe, 

thus insuring children would be born 

with birth defects and brain damage 

for a generation?

 

If only, he hadn’t signed laws protecting 

corrupt corporations, allowing them 

to continue to poison your food 

and water. 

 

If only, he hadn’t allowed government 

law enforcement agencies to brutalize 

peaceful citizens who protested 

these unjust laws? 

 

If only, he hadn’t allowed

Native Americans protesting 

the poisoning of their water, 

to be brutalized, 

 

if only, he had stood by 

the young people in the street,

who were protesting 

the corruption of our government, 

instead of allowing them 

to be brutalized, shot, maimed 

and attacked with batons 

and poison gas?

 

If only, his administration 

had not been so violent 

that they actually 

ran out of bombs to drop 

on the innocent?

 

If only, when they had ran out

of bombs, they had not decided 

to make hundreds of thousands more,

then dropped those bombs?

 

If only, Obama hadn’t decided to imprison

and torture the brave journalists 

and true souls of conscience 

who tried to report the crimes 

of our government?

 

The torture of these souls, 

was so severe that some 

never recovered and even tried 

to commit suicide.


Meanwhile, the increasing despair, 

which he helped to create, of the citizens 

reaches a breaking point, he shows 

nothing but indifference

to their pain.

 

It’s like he’s asking them to suffer 

and die a little more quietly 

as to not sully his awful legacy.

 

If only, Obama hadn’t dropped 26,000 bombs 

on 7 countries in less than a year, 

but saw no irony whatsoever 

in collecting something 

called the Nobel Peace Prize?

 

If only, he hadn’t endorsed trade deals 

that sent millions of good jobs 

to countries not called 

the United States?

 

If only, he had not bailed out 

corporations and CEOs 

and NOT their workers,

and bailed out banks and NOT 

bank employees?

 

If only, he hadn’t killed 

10 times more people 

with drones 

than George W. Bush?

 

If only, he hadn’t whitewashed 

Bush’s torture program,

and expanded government 

surveillance 

on innocent citizens?

 

But some folks say 

he gave one helluva 

good speech.

 

So, all is forgiven?

 

I guess?







the pollster


a month before the election,

the phone rang

and a kind and caring voice

wanted to ask her

a few questions

about two of

the candidates


running for the office

of President of the

United States.


Her first question was,

“Is there any way you could

have a lower opinion of

the current president?”


Instantly, the first thing

that came to her mind,

when she thought

of the current president,

was a steaming

pile of dog shit.


Before she answered,

that there was no way

that she could have any

worse opinion

of the current president

than that of a steaming

pile of dog shit,

she had an idea.


What if it was a steaming

pile of dog shit,

that was attached

to the bottom

of your shoe?


Without knowing

what mental process

had just been

performed,


the only words the

pollster heard was,


“Yes, yes I can.”


Things only went downhill

from there.





The story I wrote that got my phone tapped by the NSA. 


Feds confiscate 9 year olds Playstation 3. Attorney General John Ashcroft talks of treason.


Mr. Stanley Jorgensen was relaxing last Saturday morning when he heard a commotion that sounded like a large door had been blasted away. He ran toward the sound of the explosion and found that his front door had been destroyed and several armed men were standing in his living room waving a search warrant in his face. The armed men were not burglars, gang-bangers or terrorists. They were agents of the FBI’s home defense force, and the warrant wasn’t for drugs, guns or espionage. The FBI wanted Mr. Jorgensen’s son Billy’s Playstation 3.


What put the Attorney General on the trail was a videotape that sources say made it all the way to The White House. The content of the tape was said to be of a football game played between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts. What set this Madden 2002 game apart was the rosters of both teams. What so enraged the White House was the fact that characters were created named George W. Bush and Osama bin-Laden and both played on the same team. White House spokeswoman Karen Blazer said, “We cannot condone the actions of the young man (Billy) and have left it up to Attorney General Ashcroft as to what charges will be filed.


Staffers who heard about the tape said that the Bush character was the quarterback and apparently did not have his best game. The final score was reported to be Indianapolis 56, New England 0. The president was appalled to hear that he completed only 12 of 41 passes for 116 yards and 5 interceptions. He was also sacked 11 times. What further infuriated the president was that five of his twelve completions were to wide receiver Osama bin-Laden. A comment from the Under Assistant Secretary of Defense was that, “the only thing that the president would ever throw at that (expletive deleted) was a grenade, not a football.” It has even been rumored that the president was watching the videotape when a renegade pretzel nearly gave the world President Dick Cheney.


Attorney General Ashcroft wanted to know how Bush and bin-Laden could wind up on the same team. A nervous 9 year old told the FBI that his Uncle David had created several characters by reading something called The U.S. News and World Report. After the characters were created the young man hit a control called Fantasy Draft which randomly sent all created players to their new teams. The boy’s parents are calling it a bizarre coincidence. The Attorney General was not impressed. Ashcroft said, “We are contemplating sending the boy back to the Taliban where he obviously belongs.”


Mr. Jorgensen said he had proof that the player selection was random. Mr. Jorgensen, “Just look at who else is on the Patriots team. Abraham Lincoln played a terrific game at the tight end position. And who could possibly take seriously names like Travis Enron, Lucious Superfly, Ron Jeremy, Rufus Sinclair and Dick Cheney.” White House officials complained that it wasn’t even a fair contest. The Patriots offensive line had to be the smallest in league history, “Kenneth Lay played Right Guard and couldn’t weigh more than 160 pounds and Left Tackle Scooter Libby weighed maybe 175 with full pads and helmet.” Besides, they continued, “everyone knows that Dick Cheney has a bad heart!”


Ashcroft wants to move on the case fast while the boy is still afraid and more inclined to talk. From his dark cell Billy could be heard muttering, “I want to go home. Mommy! I want my mommy!” If it’s left up to Ashcroft home may be a one-way ticket to Guantanamo Bay.



 

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