"Well,
congratulations to the new nation of Kosovo. They gained their independence
this week. Of course, President Bush was shocked when he heard this. He said:
'Independence? But, we haven't even invaded them yet.'" --Jay Leno
"Have
you heard about this phenomenon that keeps happening at Barack Obama rallies?
Apparently women have been fainting. They're so taken by his speeches that
they're passing out. Well, today it happened at one of Hillary's speeches, and
luckily Bill ran into the crowd and gave her mouth to mouth." --Jay Leno
"Sometime this week,
the Pentagon will attempt to shoot down a spy satellite up in space. The
government said this is the only way we can be sure that the New England
Patriots never win a Super Bowl again." --Jay Leno
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